Tag: christianity

Forgiveness Friday | Mind Your Business

Hey Loves!

Time for another post! Apologies about the 36 hour delay :). I just returned from driving my Godson back home to Maryland. Miss him so much already! I’ll be posting more about our adventures during this past week later. But check out my Instagram (@thekglifestyle) if you can’t wait. Hehe. Sooo, I’ve got some updates!!!

1. This will be the last Forgiveness Friday post. I SINCERELY want to thank you all for reading these posts during these past weeks. For those of you who have commented and emailed me, THANK YOU! Your stories and your encouragement were truly appreciated. Once I made time to compose these posts the words flowed just as I expected, easily. I truly believe teaching this message of forgiveness is apart of God’s purpose for my life.

2. A new series is coming! YES! I’m not about to just leave y’all hanging now. Lol. I’m calling it the “WHOLE Series”. Have you ever seen an episode of Oprah’s Master Class on the OWN network? Y’all already know I love OWN! During the intro of the show Jane Fonda is quoted saying, ” We’re not meant to be perfect, we’re meant to be whole”. When I heard those words during her episode, I remember thinking “YES!!!!”. I made a mental note: Let me just get to MY “perfect”, where I AM whole. So these posts (also on Friday’s) will feature a piece of my journey to wholeness. Relationships, life balance, etc. I’ll be praying that God will lead me to share what it is He wants me to share. It’s going to be good!

3. Last but definitely not least, I’m on a DAILY post challenge. I’m challenging myself to post once a day each weekday for the month of August. What’s funny is that I have all this content (pictures and video) that I just let sit in data storage with the intention to post. No more of that! If you miss the daily posts, don’t worry! I’ll send out a recap newsletter at the end of the week so that you can catch up.

NOTE: Don’t forget! You can manage how often you’d like to receive emails from me using WordPress Reader. They’ve upgraded the notifications feature and you can now manage emails to deliver weekly, daily or never. Here’s the link, click here.

That’s it for updates! Let’s get to the purpose of this post!

Over the past several weeks we’ve gone over how to prepare our hearts, how to have a purposeful forgiveness conversation, how to do the work of forgiving and how to manage our relationships. It’s been a journey of self-reflection and analysis of our interaction with others. I’d like to end this series with a reminder. Mind your business. Your OWN business is what is most important in life. Our relationship with Christ is an individual decision and pursuit and in the end it’s all that matters. If our relationship with Christ is thriving ALL areas of our life will thrive as well. Our obedience and our faith will show up in our daily lives. But the distractions, when we DON’T mind our own business will get in our way EVERY time.

Minding our own business is particularly difficult in today’s modern culture. Almost everything we see in the media and social media is about what everyone else is doing, saying or buying. Let me be clear, there is nothing wrong with being inspired and informed. But in today’s reality TV world we’re tempted to compare ourselves and create goals that have nothing to do with our purpose. The obsession our culture has with following every move that a celebrity is making or staying up-to-date with every event in our “friends” lives on Facebook, cripples our individuality and skews our passion. Imagine if we could use the hours we spend on social media or watching reality television, reading, brainstorming on our next project or spending time with Jesus? We would be more knowledgeable, purpose driven and uplifted!

When we mind our business we are tending to our business free of distractions. My pastor had a great example of this concept during a sermon several weeks ago. The message featured a story about Nehemiah. Nehemiah was given an assignment by God to rebuild the walls of Jerusalem. Nehemiah 6:1-15 outlines the MANY times others tried to get him to stop working and distract him from his work, his mission, his purpose. These distractions came in the form of rumors, threats of death, schemes and tricks. He stayed relentlessly focused on the task he’d been charged with. He never came down from working on the wall, so messengers and aides had to communicate with him on the ground.

“I am carrying on a great project and cannot go down. Why should the work stop while I leave it and go down to you? Four times they sent me the same message, and each time I gave them the same answer.” – Nehemiah 6:3-4

In other words, every time a distraction came he told them, “Ain’t nobody got time fo that”. I absolutely loved how focused Nehemiah was when distractions came his way.

1. He listened carefully: It’s important to pay attention while building.

2. He spoke wisely: Never put something in writing that goes against wisdom. Nehemiah didn’t reply to the letters with threats or provoking. He knew that they meant to do him harm but he didn’t tell them, he just kept building.

3. He worked relentlessly: Don’t let the devil use distractions to keep you from enjoying your season. Keep building, that agitates the enemy because the building doesn’t stop. Get happy to get them back by relentlessly building.

4. He rejected the rumors: On the 5th time Nehemiah rejected the rumors (Nehemiah 6: 5). You can’t chase destiny and rumors at the same time. Resist the impulse to address the rumors. The minds of those who are necessary for your destiny will be clear from rumors. Everyone will not like you, so accept that. To those who matter, God will keep from the message from Satan.

Nehemiah had to resist the distractions. Sadly today, we’re so accustomed to LOOKING for distractions. Procrastination is real! And we’ve been given tools of distraction created to keep us from doing God’s work. Trust me, I know, it’s difficult to stay focused. However, I believe the closer we get to Christ, the more we fear Him and desire to do His will for our lives. With His guidance we’ll manage our relationships accordingly, removing those who keep us distracted. Loving them from afar.

Lately I’ve been distracted which is why this and all of the other Forgiveness Friday posts have been for me too! Anytime I find myself comparing myself and the progress I’m making in any area of my life, I do my best to shut it down. I refuse to come down from the wall I’m building – the purpose that God has put on my life. And the only way to do this is to mind my own business. Stop wondering what your ex is doing, stop comparing yourself to the so-called “fabulous life” that others are portraying to be living. The grass is not always greener and even if you find yourself in so and so’s place of status you’ll find yourself unhappy and miserable. We’re meant to be WHOLE in our purpose, not their’s. That is where we’ll find peace, joy and understanding from God.

My prayer for us all (including myself) is that we’ll have laser focus on our purposes’ and the ability to remove distractions from our lives. Lord, thank you for this word and for each day we’re given to keep working at resisting distractions. Thank you for guiding us and loving us so much! We pray that you will convict us when we seem drawn to distractions in the form of rumors, threats or others. We pray for strength just as Nehemiah did as he was rebuilding the wall, to resist distractions. Thank you for the other messages you’ve sent our way to give us clarity on forgiveness, and thank you Jesus for being the ultimate role model for us. We pray for your continued guidance as we continue our journey’s in love for everyone we encounter. Amen!

Please let me know your thoughts below in the comment section and ASK ME ANYTHING below or at thekglifestyle@gmail.com. I would love to hear from you and answer your questions in next week’s WHOLE post!

I love you so much and so does Jesus!

Peace & Blessings,

P.S. If you’re looking for the other posts click here. I’ve categorized them for ya! :)

August 3, 2014
Forgiveness Friday | Managing Relationships

Hey Loves! I hope this week’s message finds you uplifted and feeling blessed! I’m super excited to explore some great ways in which to manage our relationships, so let’s get right into it!

Have you ever opened your heart and your life to someone who’s hurt you? We all have, that’s apart of life. We’ve all trusted someone that’s broken our trust. We’ve all loved someone who did not show us love. What happens when someone shows us their bad character again and again, bringing us stress and drama? We’re faced with a choice. Most believe that cutting such a person out of our lives completely is the answer, but Jesus teaches us something very different.

“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” – Romans 12:18

I’ve spoken about my relationship with my Mommy before. We weren’t always as close as we are now for multiple reasons. God has truly blessed us to be open with each other, heal from our pasts and do the work to ensure a fulfilling future relationship. I am truly blessed to have a mother that is open to communicating and willing to explore the truth from the mistakes we’ve both made. This does not mean I don’t have to manage our relationship. Let me explain. A fun fact about me is that after school during my High School years while most kids were watching MTV (Daria, TRL, etc.), I tuned into The Oprah Winfrey Show. Every D-A-Y. And during this time I soaked up all of the information, the life lessons and tried to apply then to my little teenage life. I had just turned 17 when I graduated and had all of this “knowledge” that I tried to make sure I kept at the forefront of my decisions in life.

Anywho, one show featured a mother and her daughter who had issues managing their relationship. One area in their relationship was causing major strain on the relationship overall. Basically the mother kept borrowing money from the daughter and mismanaging it. This strain was super apparent as both the mother and daughter came to tears on camera. I mean, it was Oprah…tears were expected. LOL! The expert, whom I can’t remember, gave the two advice on managing their relationship. Basically telling the daughter that it was okay to refuse to lend her mother money again, and that it was actually crucial that they refrain from letting money get in between them if they wanted to preserve and grow their relationship as mother and daughter. I was FLABBERGASTED when he said this. I had been taught that out of respect to your parents you do everything you can to make them happy…Yeah, no. If it comes at your expense and the expense of your happiness. Just say no. I have used this example in multiple ways when it comes to my relationship with my mother and others. You can’t travel with just anyone. Shopping isn’t fun with everyone. And yes, there are those that you should never lend money to. Period.

Jesus taught us this great lesson by example. He was able to LOVE all and manage his relationships concurrently. He had the 3, the 12 and the 70. The 3 were His closest friends, 12 were His disciples and the 70 were further out in His life. Don’t take these numbers too literally. We can explore them at another time. The point is He kept those He could really trust close, those who he called his disciples were a little further away and those who followed him in the crowds were even further.

My pastor explored this in his “No More Drama” series (Pastor Dharius Daniels) pretty extensively.

Kindred

Corporate

Casual

Kingdom

These are the types of relationships we should have. They are pretty explanatory, but let me know if you’d like me to go into them further. In all of our relationships we should not allow people’s actions to control us whether we’re dealing with fellow Christians or Non-Believers. Doing THE WORK is showing someone who’s wronged you that you have temperance, control over yourself. I am a witness that anger will take over your life if you predicate your actions on how you are treated. You will be let down time and time again.

“Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: It is mine to avenge; I will repay, says the Lord.” – Romans 12:19

We can manage our relationships by moving those that show they are only interested in hurting us out of our inner circle. It’s only logical to move someone who time and time again stabs us, hurts us and causes drama further away in our lives. We can still love them from where they are. But the adjustment must take place unless we’re willing to risk being stabbed or hurt again. This is the alternative to taking revenge. This is God’s way. You’ll never accomplish the will of God by breaking the law of God. Sin doesn’t have to take place for destiny to come to fruition. Sin is from Satan. By taking revenge we would be sinning and then God would have to deal with us too!

We’re taught to be so good to our enemies that they are embarrassed: 1 Samuel 12:20. For example, if you tell someone something in confidence and then find that they always seem to share it with others, don’t take revenge. Adjust. Manage your relationship with them. Stop telling them all your business! LOL! Secondly, don’t worry about the gossip and your reputation. God will clear your name in the minds of those who matter. Those that spread gossip and judge you do NOT matter as it pertains to your purpose. My suggestion (to you and myself, lol) is to move on. Overcome evil with good.

Looking at Jesus’ example, let’s think about how Jesus managed His relationships in love. Judas surely betrayed Him, giving Him to the land’s authorities for crucifixion. Peter denied Jesus 3 times, just as Jesus had proclaimed. Once He was risen, the angel that appeared to Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James and Salome said:

“But go, tell his disciples and Peter, He is going ahead of you in Galilee”. – Mark 16:7

Jesus allowed Judas to leave His life, but Peter was invited back into Jesus’ life because he had a bad day while Judas had a bad heart. No revenge was taken on Judas, he died by his own hand. This is what happens when you “leave room for God’s wrath”. You know what they say: what goes around comes around. This is a great example given by Pastor Daniels! It tell us that some people have bad days, and some are just plain ‘ole bad! We have to discern this as it relates to our relationships and manage them accordingly.

I pray this message falls on willing hearts. Let’s ask God to give us discernment when it comes to deciding who should remain and who should be let out of our lives. Lord, we thank you for your blessings and your message of forgiveness. Please help us gain the understanding and the wisdom to choose the right people and the right positions that they should fill in our lives. We pray for fulfilling relationships, God-fearing relationships. Help us manage our relationships in LOVE, without anger or malice. Convict us when we feel the urge to take revenge, trusting you in all things and matters in our lives. Amen.

Please let me know your thoughts below in the comment section and ASK ME ANYTHING below or at thekglifestyle@gmail.com. I would love to hear from you and answer your questions in next week’s post!

I love you so much and so does Jesus!

Peace & Blessings,

July 25, 2014
Forgiveness Friday | Doing The Work

Whooooo! What a long couple of weeks. I’ve got some confessing to do y’all! I was so ready to write this next post long ago, but then I realized I couldn’t without being partly unauthentic. Let me explain…

So there have been some recent developments in my life. Much of which required an IMMENSE amount of effort on my part to forgive. I found myself reading the last two Forgiveness Friday posts to try and get my mind right. No shame…but I couldn’t bring myself to move forward because I was stuck. This forgiveness thing is not easy. And when you’re holding on to hopes, fears and control it becomes even more difficult. So know that this journey of forgiveness is as much mine as it is yours! For me I was dealing with anger. A whollle lot of it. In the end I realized that the anger had/has more to do with me than with anyone I feel has wronged me.

The Work:

After you’ve identified the issue you need to move past. It’s time to do the WORK. It might be more prayer for direction on how to move forward. More conversations, click here for guidance on what that should look like. It could also mean that you’ve just got to remove yourself from the company of those toxic people and relationships. MY work started with dealing with the intense anger I had. Let me tell you, my jolly attitude, my optimistic outlook, alllll a’dat was GON’! I was snappy at work, pessimistic – my outlook on the world was not as it had been. I had never been so angry in my life.

“In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry” – Ephesians 4:26

So I started several Bible Reading Plans using the Bible App: Anger (under Topical), Working Through Anger, etc. Personally I get angry when people let me down. But really it’s a personal problem of how much credit I give people . Sometimes we shouldn’t put expectations on people, especially people who have shown us who they are time and time again. “Fool me once, fool me twice” is the perfect way to think about this. Nonetheless I was angry….whether I was justified in my anger, or whether it was completely all me, I was ANGRY! My pastor (yes, that’s right. I joined a church-YEEE) Dharius Daniels preached about revenge, and anger on Sunday. He made great points and insights about how to MANAGE relationships. Not everyone should have the same access to our lives….we have to manage our relationships based on who they are. We’ll get more into managing relationships later, so for now let’s focus on identifying what we can do to begin the work.

“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as Christ God forgave you.” – Ephesians 4:31-32

So how do you know that you’re ready to get to work? Once you’ve prepared your heart and had some conversations, you can identify the areas in which you need to actively monitor. Yep, monitor. I’m currently reading “Love As a Way of Life” by Gary Chapman (uh huh, even while harboring ALL of this anger-work in progress, I am!) and he encourages active behavior monitoring to improve and WORK on ourselves. Grab a journal, compose a new note on your phone or start reflecting daily on how you are working towards forgiveness. When we pass up opportunities to avenge the wrong we feel has been done to us, we’re on our way to forgiveness. When we show genuine acts of kindness to those we feel have wronged us, we’re on our way to forgiveness. When we pray for our enemies and others we think have wronged us, we’re on our way to forgiveness.

So write it down!

Think about how many times you’ve made progress on forgiving and moving on. Have you successfully ended that toxic relationship? SCORE! Write it down and take account of every time you felt like you needed to call, text or email that person, but didn’t, knowing that the relationship would not serve you. Write about the time you stopped yourself and repented for judging someone who you feel wronged you, robbed you or hurt you. All of these are small victories and all of this is the WORK we need to do. Does the work ever end? Not really. We will always have to check ourselves and self-correct because we were born with egos. But the more we do it the easier it becomes and more fulfilling and peaceful our lives will be.

Right now….write down the last 3 things you’ve done to help move your life forward and away from unforgiveness.

Time to get to work! I’m so excited to explore the ways in which we can manage our relationships. It’s a great lesson from the ultimate teacher, JESUS! So stay tuned for Friday’s post! As always I hope this message left you blessed. Please let me know your thoughts below in the comment section and ASK ME ANYTHING below or at thekglifestyle@gmail.com. I would love to hear from you and answer your questions in next week’s post!

I love you so much and so does Jesus!

Peace & Blessings,

July 23, 2014
Forgiveness Friday | The Conversation

Hey Loves!

Apologies for this late Forgiveness Friday post! The holiday weekend took over and I just couldn’t catch up! How was your weekend? Fireworks? BBQ? Scorching weather? Well this week we’re in for a treat. I got a question that I think goes perfectly with the next step in how I think we should all approach this forgiveness thing. So let’s get to it!

Last Week’s Recap:

We began the process of opening up ourselves to the POSSIBILITY of forgiving. After exploring what forgiveness actually is we explored why it’s important (“For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you”. – Matthew 6:14) and asked God to help make us aware of relationships we need to apply forgiveness to. Let me know how you applied last weeks post to your life. I love to read about how God is moving in our lives!

Reader’s Question:

I have been dealing with the challenge of forgiveness for such a long time. Growing up as the youngest child and grandchild of the family has been challenging for me. Actually, I just came to the realization that I have felt “unaccepted” by some of my older family members, all these years. I don’t really know how to start the conversation when they are so opinionated and unwilling to listen (at times). Often times I feel as if my words and feelings go in one ear and out the other. How would you suggest I approach the situation?

First I’d like to thank the reader for submitting the question and being so open and honest about their experience. The conversation we must have when it comes to setting ourselves free is important and should not be taken lightly. A conversation requires two willing participants, and when one party is unwilling it’s difficult and sometimes impossible to form a consensus. I think it’s particularly difficult to address issues from our childhood’s while trying to reach out to the generations before us. For example, my family is from Mississippi. My elders grew up hard…the women in my family were maids and the men worked in the cotton fields. The whole “self-help” thing was and still is not understood. There’s a “get over it” type of attitude, which breeds years and years of resentment, pain, and regret. Seeking counseling is still a taboo in the African-American community, which explains the rampant unforgiving cycle we’ve all probably experienced. Anywho, getting back to answering this question. You can only do what you can do. Sometimes we have to set ourselves free. Going into this understanding that you may not receive the closure you’re looking for or expecting is important. More importantly is knowing that we can still move on and live a life free of pain and resentment if we allow Jesus to be the source of our joy and peace.
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July 8, 2014
Forgiveness Friday | Heart Preparation

Happy Friday Loves!!!

I’m soooo excited about the weekend. Mostly because I don’t have much planned! That’s rare for me. My Mommy is in town visiting me and Leo. That means the weekend will be filled with shopping, eating, shopping and cooking. Yes, I meant to say shopping twice. :) Anywho. With my Mom in town I thought about how far we’ve come in our relationship and FINALLY began planning the forgiveness series that I’ve had on my heart for sometime now. If you’re newer to my blog you may have not heard about the Lady Victory Tag I started.

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June 27, 2014