AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (panic ‘AH’, not excited ‘AH’)
That expression is exactly how I’ve been feeling lately. For awhile now actually. Lately I’ve found myself totally overwhelmed by the pressures of life. In fact…I can’t really remember a time when I haven’t felt the pressure (most of which I put on myself) to succeed, do more, be more, be better, work, work , work, work! I think the pressure fluctuates throughout the years but it’s always there…lurking….the 20 to do lists I have for this project and the ideas that needs to be worked out. YEESH! It’s like I’m trying to prove myself to MYSELF! Does that explanation make ANY sense?
6 years ago (whoa, time flies) at the age of 25 I felt the pressure of “life’s achievements” so much so that I quit my job (a good jawb with ‘fits AND it was ON the beach O_O), packed my stuff and moved to Africa. Now I’m not saying that wasn’t a great experience for me, but I think the pressure I put on myself to reach some”success” status got to me. I was supposed to own my own home by then, retire my Mother, have 3 kids and live on the beach somewhere. God knew how I was feeling and he provided me with a way to get away from all the E-Boards and the organizations I was actively serving in, so that I could well, get to know HIM and who I was in HIM. I learned so much about myself that year. It laid the foundation for me to be more present and SLOW down.
Over the years I’ve had to remember this lesson (slow down, be present) because I’ve always made myself so busy. Sometimes it was me running from heartbreak (raise your hand if you’ve ever been there) or it’s just the thought that if I’m going to require my future husband to “have it all together” then I need to “have it all together”. Being told “slow down”, or “you’re doing too much” hasn’t really done much for me.